Tons of exams, distraction, despair and relaxation

People have asked me the same question over the year: “What the hell does it mean to you to convey your feelings in such a damn foreign language? I cannot even know what you’re actually thinking about”.

If only I had the ability to tell what I am thinking in my own language, without letting some people know exactly what I want to say, but at the same time let some sort of “target audiences” fill into those available seats that I set up in my mind. Such a weird feeling! Though the fact is that I don’t  feel really comfortable writing in the language. As soon as I want to get it done, I start to worry about all those grammatical rules and things, which could obviously distract me from the main spirit of that piece of writing!

The past 2 weeks have been so stressful for me. It’s hard to think about how stressful it could be during all the time before you have to really sit an exam. I’ve never been in such a desperate situation, not sleeping well, feeling like every nerve in my body was tense. I did feel like being squeezed under the pressure of time and tons of paper. I’ve taken so many exams in my entire life that I can’t even count, but how come this time it seems to be so intense?

The other day I came home with the worst mood ever, after being announced such a bad score  regarding  the amount of time and effort I had put into it. It confused me a lot. Those old lists of wonders filled my ears with fear and doubt. I used to be that confident, and at that time I almost collapsed. Some may say that I exaggerated it( maybe it’s right) but I did think that, that’s what I could to to the best of my ability, which meant that what I had thought I could do before was all illusion.

Fortunately, someone came in and cheered me up a bit. I was so grateful for having such supportive peers accompanying me along the way!

It’s tough  to just stress how important it is be relaxed in every single thing that you do, and for me personally it’s applicable all the time. Pressure and perfection have distracted me from grasping that principle, and I did not notice!. Now it’s time to wind down and have that moment of weekend relaxation with pieces of music and art 😀

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